30 Days of Gratitude. Day 9

"We can lift ourselves, and others as well, when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues"

Thomas S. Monson

I am finding it increasingly difficult to keep up with this way of thinking. Five out of the last six days I have had a migraine and sharp ear pain and have felt like I was not going to make it through this whole "gratitude" thing. I feel like Satan is tempting me to not look at the good I have. This experiment has given me more to be grateful for. I have found more desire to read the scriptures and pray throughout my day than I have in a very long time, and I feel more grateful to my Heavenly Father than I have in a long time. Nevertheless, it has been a hard few days and I have been starting to get down again.

One thing I struggle with the most is trying to understand what I must learn from my pain. Honestly, I could name several things I have learned already along this journey, but it is obviously not the entire lesson the Lord wants me to learn. I have felt a love for others that I think only comes from developing empathy. Going through pain has helped me be less judgemental of others, and of myself. I know that we can not judge others, because we really don't know what cross they are carrying. Another thing pain has done for me is help me REALLY appreciate good days. I feel SO grateful when I can go through a day without pain! Today, although it is hard to admit.... I am grateful for pain. I know that this life is about being tested and tried in all things, and I don't even pretend to have trials compared to so many others, but I know that this was given to me so that I WOULD remember the Lord in my daily life. He loves me that much, and really I should rejoice in my pain!

Pain stayed so long I said to him today,

"I will not have you with me anymore!"

I stamped my foot and said, "Be on your way!"

Then stood there startled at the look he wore.

"I who have been your friend," he said to me,

"I who have been your teacher --all you know

of understanding love, of sympathy and patience,

I have taught you. Shall I go?"
He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest;

I watched him leave and knew that he was wise.

He left a heart grown tender in my breast.

He left a far, clear vision in my eyes.

I dried my tears, and lifted up a song

Even for one who'd tortured me so long.