Catching Up

Last night Staci fell and cut open her face from her lip to the nose. I didn't know that the cut went completely through the skin until the doctor looked at it, even though that explains the blood that was gushing out of her mouth. She is fine, but the emergency room is just never fun... it took us about 5 hours to get in and out of there! Yikes!

Staci's favorite color is pink. She has told me this a thousand times. Of course it is, what else could a four year old girl's favorite color be? Well, this morning she said, "my first favorite color is glittery pink, then sparkly pink, then beautiful pink, and pretty pink, and then just regular pink.... I don't really like hot pink". I thought that was cute.

Natalie is my social child. She likes to introduce herself to everyone and get to know them in return. I think she has met every check out clerk at every store we have been to in the last 2 years. That's just how she is! I think it is really cute. Staci, on the other hand, really doesn't socialize much. She has been known to be social and say things like, "I'm Staci. I'M SHY!!!" Only thing is she is screaming it, and bugging her eyes out at the person she is saying it to.

Jackson is just my little sweetheart. I think he wouldn't offend or hurt another person (except little sisters, of course) for anything. I am so thankful he is a part of our family! He is so smart, and always wanting to know more than he does. He loves to read anything he can, and is pretty much a walking encyclopedia on the topics of animals, space and anything Star Wars.

Isn't it funny that as a mom we continue to doubt ourselves time and time again!? At least I know I do. I plan on something and think about it over and over and tell myself that it is the best thing, and then doubt my decision. I have planned on doing home school while here in Mississippi, but didn't really have a plan. I figured I could do it without any problem (I have several work books for the kids and things) but I haven't had a lot of time to research programs on the internet. I have intentions of doing that, but it has been hard because I haven't had a lot of access to a computer. I figured I could "wing it" for the first week or two after getting here, and then I would have time to figure out a plan. Well, turns out that I am not as good at "winging" it as I thought, especially in the midst of all of the stresses of moving and a broken foot, etc. (have I mentioned that I have a broken foot and sprained ankle... on opposite feet?) So, last week, after a lot of conflict with myself, I put my kids in public school. The problem I have is that Natalie NEEDS the social stuff like she needs air - and has been BEGGING me to let her just go to school, "PU-LEEEASE, MOM!" Staci is also SO excited to start kindergarten in the fall... I just don't have the heart to tell her that she has to stay home for kindergarten. Jackson on the other hand, HATES it. He is having a hard time. I feel so badly about it, but I felt like it was important for them to do this until I have a better plan and organized myself here to be ready for home school. I am planning on still home schooling Jackson starting next year, but I am torn between what to do for the girls. The main purpose in home schooling them is because Geoff has never really been a part of the kids' lives. He has been gone at least 100 hours a week for their whole lives. We hardly have any family memories with him... honestly. Well, now he is working random hours. So, many days, like today for instance, he works late and won't see the kids at all. This is common, I know, but he also has to work every other weekend and I just don't want it to continue where the kids don't see him very much (although I know they will see him more now than they did before). I want to be able to work our school schedule around Geoff's work schedule and have a family life for this time when we are away from any of our extended family. I just feel like that is so important. But I am torn. Can you tell? I am rambling! I just wanted to express the struggle that I am having at this time... it's not always clear what the best thing is for your kids... and what is good for one kids may not be good for another. I guess I just have to wrestle a little more with it... any suggestions?

Anyway, I haven't found (mostly because I haven't even looked for) the device that uploads my pictures on the computer (what is that thing called?) I have to upload some soon, but for now you will have to settle for just what we are up to.

Pain stayed so long....

Have you heard this poem?

Pain stayed so long, I said to him today,

"I will not have you with me anymore."

I stomped my foot and said, "be on your way!"

then paused there, startled at the look he wore.

"I, who have been your friend?" He said to me.

"I, who have been your teacher - All you know

Of understanding, love, of sympathy,

And patience, I have taught you. Shall I go?"

He spoke the truth, this strange unwelcome guest;

I watched him leave, and knew that he was wise.

He left a heart grown tender in my breast.

He left a far, clear vision in my eyes.

I dried my tears and lifted up a song

Even for the one who'd tortured me so long.

This is one of my favorite poems. Some may know that I have had quite a battle with chronic pain for the last several years. I don't really know how it all came on, but it did.... and suddenly. I remember at a family reunion with my family starting to feel really dizzy. Before I knew it, I couldn't even lay down with my eyes closed without vomiting from how dizzy I was. I was also suffering with sharp and chronic ear pain. I wasn't allowed to drive and could barely move. After many doctors appointments, and many false diagnoses, I found to have completely rotten tonsils that were causing an infection that was travelling through my head. I had my tonsils out ("hell on earth" is what I call that surgery at age 30) and found that my dizziness gradually got better, but the ear pain became a lot worse. Shortly after all of this, I began having chronic migraines. I would have about 3 migraines a week, which were always accompanied by sharp pain in my ears, jaw and neck. I began my search for the cure.... because there was no way I could live like this. I searched, and I searched and I searched again! I spent thousands of dollars trying to find answers and never came up with one. To say I suffered from depression was an understatement. I have never had such a desire to die. I hate to even admit that, but living with constant pain makes you crazy!!! I lived like this for over 5 years. And then, just about 3 months ago, I found something that helped me beyond belief. I was crying to my mom, and telling her how I couldn't go on anymore, and she gave me the name of someone to call. She said, "I am going to hang up and I will call you back in 5 minutes and you better have made an appointment with him". I didn't even really know if he was a doctor or what, but I decided I better obey my mom and give him a call. It turns out he (his name is Randy Grant) is a nutritionist/chemist who has developed all kinds of supplements and enzymes for the body. He analyzes your blood under a microscope and can tell you basically every thing that is wrong with you! When we looked at my blood it was unbelievable - filled with all kinds of parasites and problems- you wouldn't believe it. I had severe problems in many areas, including lots of inflammation. He said that he was sure I had all of the things the doctors told me I had (TMJ was what we were focusing on primarily) but that my real problem was my blood. I began taking these supplements on January 7th and haven't had a migraine since. I rarely get ear pain any more, either. I can not even express the gratitude I have for being cured from these problems. I can't even express it. I almost have to remember the kind of person I was before I had chronic pain.... I mean, I have forgotten what I did before I was just surviving.

I didn't mean to ramble on and on about all of this - but I feel that this is more exciting to me than anything else that has happened in the last couple of years! My whole point in telling this story is that this poem is true. I have gained an understanding that I never would have had, had I not dealt with chronic pain. I am so thankful to all of my family who helped me endure this trial and listened to my endless cry-fests and complaints. You can go to http://www.divinenature.com/ to get more information about Randy's supplements, and if you set up an account, you get them for a significantly cheaper price. I highly recommend them.

Where to Begin?

Really? I think I have some 'splainin' to do! I don't even know where to start. Let's just start from where we are now, and work backwards gradually, shall we?

Let's see. I am sitting here in my family room in Greenville, Mississippi wondering "How did I get here?!" There have been other times I have felt that way in my life. On my mission I remember going to my room the first day in the MTC and waiting for my companion to get there. I was all alone and wondering what I had just done saying good-bye to my family and all things comfortable for the next 18 months. I remember at a really hard time in my life I moved to get a fresh start (kind of on a whim) and ended up feeling the same way. Hindsight is everything, and looking back I can clearly see where the Lord was leading me at those times in my life. I know in my heart of hearts that this is one of those times. I may not know what the purpose is now, but there is a purpose. I feel it already. Today was fast Sunday in my ward. I wondered before I moved here how these meetings would go being such a small ward and all. I figured there would be a lot of awkward silence. I was wrong. In fact, it was probably one of the best testimony meetings I have ever been a part of. I have forgotten what an awesome thing it is feel the fire of the new members' testimonies. Our ward is filled with converts. I think that's awesome!

As far as how we REALLY did get here, I guess I could fill you in. It's been a LOOONG road for us. Nine years ago now Geoff and I had a conversation. We had a new little son and Geoff was working a dead-end warehouse job working lots of overtime and still bringing home hardly any money. Thankfully, my brilliant husband has always been one to learn from others' mistakes. He had been observing the people he worked with. Many of these people were much older than Geoff, with worn out knees, bad backs and even worse attitudes. He saw himself down the road not much better off than they were. Geoff mentioned something to me at that moment when he told me he was thinking about going to school - "Emily", he said, "I know this is a big thing, and it may take a long time, but I will be 34 eight years from now and working this dumb job, or I will be 34 and done with school. Either way, I will be 34." There was no time for "would-a, should-a or could-a". The past was gone, and all we could do was move forward. I am so proud of Geoff for pushing through this and finishing it, (because it was harder than most people know). He now is working as a pharmacy manager here in Greenville, and doing a great job. You may not know this, but Geoff served his mission here in Mississippi (we named Jackson after the Mississippi, Jackson mission). He even served in Greenville for about four or five months. They only have one ward. Many of the members are still here that he knew as a missionary. So, obviously, Geoff already loves the people here, and I am quickly learning to, as well. We are in a great neighborhood and found a wonderful house for us (that I can't wait to paint and decorate) and everyone is doing just fine.

I had intentions of filling you in on everything for the passed year or more.... but I am not going to do it tonight. I'll be back soon, ya'll.... I promise!!

As you can see, we have some beautiful hard wood floors in this house.... and a lot of pink paint and wallpaper! These pictures were taken several weeks ago... it is MUCH greener and happier now... with flowers blooming everywhere.