An explanation of my slackerness....

We've been busy around our house. Really busy. Let's see - we have had 2 tonsillectomies, pneumonia, strep throat and other sicknesses, jaw surgery, a smashed finger with stitches and pharmacy school drama.... oh yeah, and moving out of our house and in with Geoff's parents all in the last 4 months! It is no wonder I am not blogging as much as I used to. I am not even going to go into details about any of it, since I seem to be a little pessimistic at the moment. We will be living with Geoff's parents for a couple more months and then moving to Arizona for Geoff to finish up his rotations and then hopefully pass the pharmacy boards and find a job with no problem at all. These are some pics from the last week.

Where have we been, you ask?

Ummm... right here. Only without a working computer since November. Now we have Geoff's laptop working, but he takes it with him all day... but I at least have it at night!

Here is a little of what we've been up to:

I have been making bows like a crazy woman. It's all over now, but I have made at least 70 bows in the last month. A friend of mine was having a carnaval/auction with all the money going to the Haiti relief funds. I sold almost all of these bows at it - and was able to feel good about helping Haiti in a way - since I can't really offer much money... and my time is hardly worth anything! Plus, if you know me at all you know that I can hardly stand to NOT be doing some kind of crafty thing.
Here are the beloved turtles, Freddy and Teddy, that Jackson has "agreed" to sell, as long as he gets all the money, and we promise to get him a better pet when we are in a house of our own. Seriously, I am "mom of the year" for giving my son pet turtles for his birthday that he loves and then suggesting that he think about selling them 6 months later, even though a month ago he told me he wouldn't sell them for a million dollars. Yeah, that's because his MOM is the one who cleans out their tank.... every couple of days.... because they stink.....stupid turtles! What was I thinking? Anyway, we can't move them 3 times in the next few months! Because that is what we are doing.... long story - I'll tell you all about it later when I can type about it without using bad words! Anyway, for those of you who don't know - we ARE moving back to Arizona after all - and should be there by the end of June.

These pictures loaded up opposite of how I wanted them. I know how to change them, but I don't want to. ANYWAY.... Natalie turned SIX about a week ago, and the next day she thought she was old enough to lose her first tooth. She never even mentioned it was loose - and when she finally showed it to me, it was so loose I just pulled it right out. She looks cute, doesn't she?

Here is the main gift Natalie got for her birthday. She was running home from school behind Jackson and his friends on scooters everyday, so I figured it was time to get her one! She loves it!

Anyway, I'll have to post more later.... but hopefully this will at least show you that we are still alive.

On a Lighter Note....

I re-read my last post and started to think maybe I shouldn't have written it. It is how I feel, but sometimes things are just better left unsaid. I hope I didn't offend someone with it. I do want to do things for others... I promise.

Anyway, I had to type a few things that the kids have said lately that I didn't want to forget.

The other day Jackson said, "Mom! I know what I want for NEXT Christmas or for my next birthday!"

Me: "What do you want, Jackson?"

Jackson: "A fly eating plant! That way we can feed it flies! It's awesome!"

Me: "Is there even such a thing, Jackson?"

Jackson: "Oh, c'mon! You don't know about them?!"

Me: "Yeah, that would be pretty cool!"

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Here is one from Natalie the other day:

Natalie said something funny (although I don't quite remember what it was, because the funny part really came later)

Natalie (to me, as I am laughing): Was I funny, Mom? Go tell dad what I said!"

Me: "OK, I am going to go tell Daddy!"

(after I told Geoff)
Natalie: "Did you crap daddy out, Mommy?"

Me: "What?"

Natalie: "Did you crap him out? No, wait.... did you crap him UP?"

Me: "Did I CRACK him up?"

Natalie: "Yeah, that's it! Did you CRACK Daddy UP?"

Me: "Yeah - I've got to go crack him up again!"

My 35 Year Old Trial....

I have been thinking a lot about myself lately. I know that sounds narcissistic, but I have. I have come to the conclusion (with the help of having a lot of discussions with my husband, the kind where I usually end up crying and he ends up frustrated...you know the kind, and a lot of deep conversations with my therapist, and sister, Melissa) that I can't say "NO" to anyone. Even as a child I remember doing anything anyone asked of me... of course, my family is rolling their eyes right about now because for some reason my family is exempt from this problem I have!

I have always been overly concerned for others' feelings... and could never imagine offending, even accidentally, someone else - almost to the point where I forget about my own feelings and those of whom I should be most concerned; my family. I have had a lot of people ask favors of me. Some don't seem like big favors.... you know, watch my kids for the afternoon, or something along those lines, but I have to tell you that some days the thought of doing anything like that is enough to send me over the edge! I have had a week straight of sharp ear pain and headaches and migraines. I am so used to these this kind of thing, that I can almost function most of the time, with the rare episode when I am just completely unable to do anything. Although I am functioning, I am not really living... and not really up for adding more to my already over-flowing plate. So why is it that I can't say NO!? Why is it that I would rather harbor feelings of resentment towards someone who heaps more on my plate, unknowingly, and feel frustrated and overwhelmed myself, than to just kindly tell them, "I wish I could, but I just can't do it right now!"

Along the same lines, the person who probably heaps the most on my overflowing plate is the one person who should know not to - ME! Because not only can I not say NO to anyone, I have to volunteer and SAY YES to EVERYONE.... even people who are not asking me to do anything for them. I guess to say that I don't want to offend anyone is an understatement. Not only do I not want them to be offended, I don't want them to feel like I don't care. Because I do. Although I never harbor bad feelings toward someone I am helping out because I volunteered, or someone who really needs me to watch their kids, for a doctor's appointment or something, it's just the ones I feel are using me that I struggle with - and still can't say no to.

Again, along the same lines, I not only want everyone to feel loved by me, I wouldn't want anyone to go to any trouble on my behalf. I wouldn't ask anyone to do anything for me.... really ever. I hate doing that kind of thing. That is why I made a horrible Young Womens president; I wouldn't ever ask my counselors to do anything I could do myself. And it's not that I think they couldn't do, most likely, a better job than I could at the task, but that I couldn't stand to ask them to do something for me.... even though it wasn't for me at all, and they would have received the blessings of the service. So, really, it's not fair for me to deny them those blessings.

Anyway, what I am realizing is that I have a sickness. I have got to learn that it is OK if there are people that don't like me... and really I know that there are people who don't like me now - even when I am trying to be everything to everyone! It is OK to say NO. If someone can't understand that I would do it if I could, then it's their problem, not mine. Does anyone else have this sickness and feel like they just have to change before they lose it!? How do you deal with these kinds of situations? I need your suggestions!